Mastering life’s challenges were supposed to be keeping a job, raising children, staying committed to your spouse, retirement, finding time for yourself, and so on…

Who could have fathomed the number one life challenge that was staying alive, health prevention, and avoidance of others due to COVID? It is so surreal. Is this really happening?

The statistics were overwhelming in 2020. Who could have guessed COVID, vaccines, and human rights would be at war with one another?

From personal experience, did I know people that had COVID, yes? Did I know of someone dying of COVID, no? Not until now.

My parents both had iconic deaths. No, they were not famous, but they were part of societal impact that most would not want to remember due to the horror.

In the nineties, my father contracted AIDS and died. He was part of the movement of frustration, knowing the end was near, and results were not coming fast enough for a permanent remedy. It was a painful death. Filled with morphine and the agony of waiting.

My mother and father were divorced when I was three years of age. But my father is an important part of who I am, like all children parents have an influence.

I remember my father visiting my mother. They shared a piece of apple pie. My father apologized for a certain part of the past where he felt he contributed to her hurt feelings of anger and regret. My father was bisexual.

My mother died of COVID pneumonia, January 2022. The best part of this story is that I got to speak with my mother in private, where she let me know, she loves me always and always. Whereas my dad I did not get that chance to express my love for him or he for me.

But with my mother I got to, and that my friends make it the best way to leave someone. Like my dad, the hospital gave her morphine, and oxygen until the end.

Everyone remembers their parents being a certain way, that they admire, look up to, and strive to take the good parts for furthering their life. I am no different. I went to funerals when I was ten years of age.

Because of the death of aunts and uncles due to cancer. Cancer is a BITCH. I never saw such a horrendous, awful state of human decay. When my last aunt died, I haven’t been to a funeral since. That’s been like 20 or more years.

I recently attended my mother’s funeral where someone spoke that didn’t even know her. It was extremely weird. Being the last child and because there is a large age difference between my four siblings and myself, I did not get to have a say in the service for my mother’s death. I had to sit there and listen to a stranger talk about how people are not perfect. What? I am not kidding. It was awful.

However, I was pleasant, kind, and I saw a couple of family members that I haven’t seen since I was little. My mother would have been thrilled they were there.

I guess with COVID, the reality is hitting us in the face. “It is Real”. Pain and denial seem like they could be avoided like my dad. I feel that way towards my mom. It’s like they didn’t have to go, just yet. My peace started when after the service I went to my mother’s house.

She was not there even in spirit. The house was an empty shell. That’s when I knew she was gone, there was no return. It was not a dream. What happened was real.

I can tell you from personal experience attending funerals throughout my childhood and knowing loved ones that left this earth, I never remember the bad stuff. I only remember the good stuff. The people I admire, hold dear, and the influence they have on my life. That is where the peace comes in. It is how I feel right now.

My dad, mother, aunts, uncles, and grandparents were great, tremendous people that have a positive influence on me. I am grateful to share with you, so if there is anger in your heart try, really try to let go and only extract the good parts that will keep you going.

It is okay to feel anger, hurt, or confusion but in the end that light everyone talks about will surround you and the good stuff will be there. Give it time, your time. Do not rush, do not have people tell you how to mourn, feel, you will find the way to see clearly on your schedule.

This is my third daily journey for a healthier me.

This journey is not for self, it is to share self for those that may have had a similar journey. We are a global community and sometimes sharing is a better alternative. There are no failures there are only circumstances that we are a part of. Our path encourages learning, healing, and resolving.

The spirit of time does not die at all. Tie me, tie me or I shall fly away. Gain knowledge by using time as a motivational word.