A friend and I met each other for a road trip. I could tell something was off. Basically, it was a trip of her complaining about her husband.

I get it she needed me to confide in, and I was there for her. But what’s amazing is this sudden road trip was because I was the best person to understand her disgruntle behavior. Because I have yet to have a healthy, positive relationship that didn’t go up in flames? So, I must know a thing or two…wrong.

Bit of a back story, my marriage did not work. I left and decided marriage was not my cup of tea. Why be with someone yucky, to the point of sacrifice or self-destruction. The sacrifice is too great, it is not for me. I would rather wait, keep trying to be better and get to know me through my daily journey for a lifetime instead of a lifetime of doubt, struggle, or pain.

This is what I think, feel deep down to my core. The first rule for me, is to follow this simple step. Talking badly to point of crazy about your husband, boyfriend, lover, the person you decided above anyone else to marry, date, or give yourself to is wrong. It is reverse too. Men that talk badly about their wife, girlfriend, or lover to other men are wrong.

I think and wish I would have done this simple thing, which is to talk and set up honest, true ground rules that are unbreakable between a couple. Make playing fair, fair. People that love each other should not go for the jugular. Not a pretty sight.

Yes, I was that girl, and I was good at it when pushed. But I had to remember I let it happen and I could have either walked away or just stopped.

I have hurt people and I have let people hurt me. I let it happen. To remove yourself from negativity is okay. It is not stating you are a failure, or you must prove that you are better by keeping talking and making a situation worse. I learned proving my point was stupid, unnecessary, and pointless. I was not that person deep down. I did not start that way.

When you are in a spiral, you become someone you do not know. You feel trapped and worn out.

So how did I help my friend of 25 years? First, nothing is one-sided, sometimes people that are hurt make everything one-sided, and it is not. There is always contribution that was brought by the two people that became the center of chaos.

Some complaints were about his family, her making more money than him, paying all the bills, him being fat, it went on…

The best thing I could do was listen. But every chance she got she was on the phone with him. Hey, I have been there. You are so afraid of being without that person, and you need to vent but throwing the person under the bus with cruelty and disdain is not the proper way to handle your feelings or make the relationship stronger. There is a breaking point.

Turns out whatever the common denominator was she is still with him today. Is it healthy, I do not know? Whenever I talk to her, her life is a magical land filled with unicorns. Her life is a fairytale, so I guess so, maybe? I am not going to probe, prod, or question. I will accept it as a yes.

I want to be a good friend. But I am not the friend that will tell you, you are right all the time. I will listen, but she signed up for the “you are mine, and I am yours” clause. So, she must recognize, become self-aware of her part, and how she has contributed to the outcome of their instability. As well as he (her husband) must do the same.

This is the hardest part. Who wants to admit to being at fault? No one I know. It is the hardest thing for a couple to admit, strive to resolve, and play fair long-term.

I have been around a few married couples that do not play fair and use petty, minuscule things that escalate by starting with sarcasm until it becomes a loud mess. It is sad to watch, and it is very uncomfortable.

The brain is the key to self-control, not the heart of love. It is your brain that sets you up. For example, childhood insecurities that you want the other person to fix. But the thing is you have not had the courage to fix it yourself. So why put the strain on the other person. Aren’t we supposed to remove the baggage so each person may carry the same weight and help each other with equal footing?

So, I guess, people are complicated. Life happens. But I only wish if I get another chance of being with someone it is someone that plays fair, wants to be on a unified team, and is mindful of what they say.

Not only is the pen mightier than the sword, but words can cut as deep as a sword. I know I do not ever want to be that person. Don’t be that person. Find your balance and go from there.

This is my second daily journey for a healthier me.

This journey is not for self, it is to share self for those that may have had a similar journey. We are a global community and sometimes sharing is a better alternative. There are no failures there are only circumstances that we are a part of. Our path encourages learning, healing, and resolving.

The spirit of life is in constant flux which is exciting and the best ride of all. Gain knowledge by using unity as a motivational word.